| time to say good bye. |
[18 Aug 2009|10:47am] |
I want to thank livejournal for every single page, for every single memory and for every single post. For helping me dwell and vent and be who I am...it's been long, it's been fun and now it's time for me to move on. I feel like I need to get out there, change a little bit, blogging will always be a part of who I am and I owe it to livejournal, I learned how to do it here and I will always carry you in my heart. Nothing lasts forever and it's time to say good bye. I'll cherish you..always.
If you actually read any of my shit you can "follow" me here:
http://karinayuni.blogspot.com/?zx=1b047d8a20b473ee
good bye everyone, have a blast.
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| something I learned this weekend: Always carry 3d glasses in your purse. |
[10 Aug 2009|11:04am] |
This weekend was pretty balanced; I had an awesome night on friday, a kinda shitty day on saturday and a pretty good sunday. So, I really can't complain about things too much. On friday we went to the led zep laser show, it was pretty bad ass. (remind me to take a pillow next time) then we went to scullys and there was a band so, we danced and drank beer then some guy started talking to us about our jewelry and shit, and he turned out to be pretty cool so we hung out the whole night and THEN when I was drunk enough I remembered I had my 3d glasses from the show and decided to put them on in the middle of the night and that was it, I started looking at everything in different colors and dimensions it was awesome, all the lights and the t.v's even sending a text to Ry was awesome. Peanuts had hers so, she joined me and we were two weirdos sitting at the bar just "tripping" on beer and 3d glasses. Classic.
Saturday I had to go get abbey a new bathing suit and then I took the car to Yader's shop to get an oil change, it was good to see him even though he said I looked fat from the get go. OF COURSE I LOOK FAT, YOU MET ME WHEN I WAS 15 and 100 LBS ASSHOLE, ugh whatever that's not the worst part, turns out the supercharger of my car broke and I've been driving my car by a miracle cause it could've fucked up the engine costing about $1,000 to fix so, Yader totally hooked me up and only charged me the parts which equaled to $100 and lunch $26 so that was that. I had to stay in the shop for three fucking hours, god..I hated it. We did get to talk and catch up though which was okay. I'm also thankful they found out about that before I wound up with no car at all so, three hours I got home with a fixed car and a chipped ego...is not that I'm that shallow but no one likes to hear some bullshit like that, I'm sure he was half being a dick and half serious, I know I've gained weight after abbey but hell, everyone is going to get fat at one point in life, and if you dont get fat because you never eat anything fun then you get old and it really doesn't matter if you are fat by then so, honestly...I DONT CARE. The only reason why I'm watching what I eat is because I want to be more active, have more energy and yea, I want to look at myself and buy clothes be happy which I am so, I like how I look and will love to remain like this, I want my damn fat exactly where it is so fuck it.
Anyway, after I got home, I rested and then decided to take the mini pool out to and abbey and I played outside in the open area next to my apartment for a while, she liked running in the wet floor and pouring water in the pool, fun summer times. I swear I was so tired from the boring and economically exhausted day that I needed a bath, so after abbs went to bed I soaked in the bathtub for an hour listening to coldplay, I meditated to a candle light and saw different things, I definately needed a cleansing. I came out of there, feeling relaxed and good and I tried to stay up but went to sleep at 10 pm. Sunday, I cleaned the house and went grocery shopping, then we ate and we went to toys r us, Ry has this idea of making abbey a little play tent that we can hang in the livingroom, so we went looking for fabrics and stuff and got abbey a ball (all she really wanted from toys r us) so, he got 5 different fabrics at goodwill, I got a skirt, and Abbey got a teddy bear which for some reason she calls "meow". We went to milkshakes and got home, played a little bit, and made this out of the blue casserole with potatos, onions, mushrooms and celery soup..yumminess for dinner. Took a bath with abbey and then bed time, then I helped Ry with the tent which is harder than we thought, we'll work on it all week and maybe have it ready by the weekend. It should end up being a pretty magical little place to read books and hang out, hopefully we can pull it off.
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| why wasn't I in Woodstock? |
[04 Aug 2009|12:13pm] |
Taking Woodstock is coming out soon; I cannot WAIT to see it. I might even cry my ass off asking why wasn't I there? I would've tripped on acid, I would've made friends with strangers, probably made out with a few of them, I would've danced in the rain and slid on the mud. WHY? And the hope of having anything even remodetely close to it, it's a joke. Music doesn't even exist anymore, everything is fabricated. I've seen little bands here and there with AMAZING talent, but they dont' get a damn chance because they are not what the "media" or record labels are looking for, which is the same damn thing, same image, same crap over and over again. What ever happened to being a rebel? to individiality? to being drunk on stage? Music is so safe lately, the image is so clean and pure, GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK! The world tries to shelter kids from drugs and sex by portraying artists as if they were the virgin mary. As if the world, school and friends wont show them differently; I was sheltered as a kid..growing up in a christian world. God, my parents didnt even let me watch The Simpsons and I still found my way to the "bad" things, to the dark world...ahhh the dark world, what's so wrong with that? It teaches you, it helps you, it MAKES you and half the reason I am how I am today is because of my experiences in the dark world. It makes me sick, this portray of virginity....all LIES. Kids will find out soon enough and then the joke's on you. Anyway, back to woodstock....man, I could totally see myself laying on the wet grass, barefooted, hippies tripping on mushrooms to my left and a couple making out on my right, the smell of incense and marijuana in the soft yet cool breeze, the stars above me...everyone together...everyone in harmony, COEXISTING, breathing...living...
hey, maybe I WAS there after all...
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| welcoming change |
[03 Aug 2009|03:58pm] |
I need to stop kicking my own ass; this weekend I realized how hard I am on my "mom" self. I get on my case about stupid shit and at the end I wind up with some much self-guilt I just want to stick my head in the ground. I guess, I hate how most young moms are now days, they think that just because they're "young" they are entitled to be a shitty mom or to have someone else like grandma raise the kids, it's so fucking selfish. So, the mommy side of me wants to do it all, conquer all, handle it all and I just can't. I need help and I need to stop beating myself up about things like Abbey being in daycare and other stupid things that at the end benefits not just me, but her also. If I get this job she will have to be in daycare maybe an hour more, who cares? I swear I broke down crying over that on Saturday, like if I'm leaving her in the middle of the street or something. She's in good hands and she's with her friends, she loves it there. The point is, I need to ease up on myself, on my mommy self and let her be. I swear I am my own worst enemy, I've been it for years but I'm stepping up and I won't allow stupid guilt in my mind again.
So, I went to my 2nd interview today; changed shirts in the car hoping no one will catch a glimpse of the boobies, made it to the interview and back all in about an hour. There was a girl in there before I got there so, I had to wait and wait until it was my turn. By the time I went in some other dude was waiting to be interviewed also. I basically told this lady the honest truth, how I want to be more financially stable to be able to provide for my little girl; how she has changed me so much making me more responsable and hard worker etc. So, she said that she'll finish interviewing today and I should hear something by tomorrow. I didnt talk about pay rate again because I rather wait until I'm hired in order to ask again to see if they have decided on a rate. If I do get hired I'm gonna have to get some clothes cause she said their wardrobe is professional, it's been a while since I had to dress like that, I might actually enjoy it. Whatever, this is good stuff. I know I could rock this job and I know that I could move to a bigger position once they see how dedicated I am. Turns out that peanut's second job is in the same fucking shopping center so, she could pick up abbey right after she's done with her first job, bring her to work and wait til i get out which should be right above the time I leave which is 5:30 so, i wouldn't have to drive to pick her up...but we are still thinking about it, it's still good to have that option. I used to feel like the corporate world was a cage, it trapped your individuality and killed your spirit but you know what? Not everyone gets to jump off cliffs for a living and shit, this will open doors for a more productive future, provide us with vacations and maybe I will be able to afford publishing my book and I might actually get to be one of those lucky people one day, for now...I need to do what I need to do and i feel good about this.
I also decided that I'm gonna join peanut's coven; I went for the Lammas celebration on saturday night and I love it; I feel like I could help the coven as much as it can help me. I will try to go every time and hopefully in a year get initiated. I know that tradition and years of conventional religion might get in between, but for a long time I've felt like I should do this and I think that it's the time. I cannot and will not be afraid of changes no more, this is a new beginning for a lot of things and I walk with confidence and faith.
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| life is better on fridays. |
[31 Jul 2009|04:20pm] |
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So, it's friday....yai. Everything tastes better on friday, I get everything I've been putting off done and time flies; I should be out of here soon and then I pick up the pizza and the milk and my wonderful little treasure Abbey and we head home. Friday's is my kitchen off day, screw that. I'm not cooking today, we are just pigging out on pizza and I'll try to find something decent for me to eat. This weekend's gonna be pretty mellow; I want to relax and take Abbey out to a park and play; I had this idea of messages in bottles and why not writing a message, putting it inside a ziplock bag and attaching it to a balloon. Why the hell not? I know I'm gonna have to get an extra balloon for Abbey because she thinks they're the most wonderful thing ever. I did too, when I was a child and sometimes I still do...like balloons on your bday to me is the best, you are never too old to get balloons for your bday. So, aside from that we might try this new ice cream shop out; they're supposed to be the best. Christian's coming over tonight to chill for a little bit and we will probably watch a movie. Another good thing is my interview; the fact that the lady who interviewed me had to fetch out my resume from a pile of like 30 resumes is not very promosing BUT I am SO qualified for this job and she knows it. She liked the fact that I do almost everything here so, I have experience in more than picking up the phone. The pay is GOOD enough to make the double trip to and from Abbey's daycare worth it. SO, she said i should be hearing from them on Tuesday to see if I'm one of the finalists, lol. If I am, then I'll be interviewing with the owner and we go from there. They also made me take this weird little random tests about math and tricky english questions; I've never done those before but if I still have my high school luck with tests I didn't study for, then I'm sure I did just fine. Happy weekend y'all.
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[29 Jul 2009|01:40pm] |
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It's time to make decisions and changes; I got a call back and have an interview this week. The first think I thought of was all the changes this will create. Different job, different hours, different this and that but then I thought about the good things. Better pay, more secured paychecks etc. There's still the small matter of getting hired but I have a feeling I might then I have to figure it all out. Telling my bosses will be difficult, I know that they are very understanding people who know that I wouldn't quit for no stupid reason or greed but only for what's best for me and my family. I know that after a good talk we would end in good terms and even a possible offer to future openings or jobs. Work schedule will be also difficult; but I will try to work something out in the interview. The main thing of course is Abbey; Abbey's daycare gives me piece of mind and that's a blessing. To hear her talk about her friends and teachers; to pick her up happy and know that she's in great hands, all that stuff it's priceless. I know that this might mean waking up earlier and her spending a little more time at daycare but at least she loves it there. I really don't want to take her out of there; it's such a wonderful place and she's going to be transitioning into potty training and stuff and I rather her be in an environment she knows, aside from that I already paid for next year's registration which is nonrefundable. I can't change her from daycares every time I change jobs, afterall life is unpredictable and a good daycare provider is hard to find. I will give it time and try to figure this all out once I know for sure if I'll be switching jobs. As always that's my plan, I already prayed and left it up to God and destiny to let things unfold how they should but at this rate, it's a blessing to even get a call back and although first it frighten me, now I'm happy and thankful. I know that it takes me about 20-30 minutes to get from the house to her daycare and I will still have to drop Ry off at the station so that means that I need to leave the house about an an hour and 15 minutes earlier just to play it safe; I guess I'll check the traffic out on friday when i go to the interview. I plan on being me, being honest and show them how capable I am. I plan on telling them what my pay rate is and what I'm able to accept. I plan on playing it day by day and I'm hopeful that this is an open door to many of blessings coming our way. Thank you and sorry about the freak out, I'm only human.
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| disaster monday |
[27 Jul 2009|11:30am] |
I didn't want to start the day overflowing HOT ASS oatmeal on the microwave and everywhere else for that matter but that's how it happened, damn that shit gets hot, might as well be LAVA, of course it never ends there since i always seem to get everything on myself so, there goes my pants and i'm at work so there's nothing left to do but sit here with a crusty staind on me, yai.
Regarless of that, Abbey's so fricking funny. She's like our very own stand up comedian, she'll get into this funny episodes where she runs all over the house saying all sorts of silly shit, like singing happy birthday to her CACA. Yup. Funny girl.
I took her to get a haircut, which is a challege to anyone who has a toddler, I don't blame her at all, as a little kid the last thing you wanna do is sit down for a moment (forbidden in toddler world) while some stranger messes with your hair but hey, it was done and she looks adorable.
The weekend couldn't make it's mind; it rained, it stopped, there was thundering, there was heat, it was pretty whacked, I wanted to do things but what the hell can you do when the weather seems to be having a mid life crisis? ugh whatever we basically stayed home. On friday we watched Coraline, Ry bought it when it came out and it's so cool. I missed creepy cartoons like that. God, talk about creepy dolls with buttons for eyes. I think I'm gonna let Abbey watch it when she's 10 and thinks her mom is lame, here...watch this. hehe.
So, saturday I went to buy groceries and diapers and all the other crap that was needed in the house; it rained throughout all my errands, got wet, got wetter and then got home. I cleaned the entire house, danny tannor style, i even dusted the top of the enternainment unit which no one ever looks at. It was Ry's night out so, he left around 9 with a friend from work and I had the girls over, we played Quelf and then just talked til about 2 am, then I went night night, Abbey didn't wake up once. Sunday I pretty much just chilled, Peanuts and I went to ticket master to try to see if they had ANY news about Aerosmith and their new sunrise concert dates, nothing. Then, we went to the five sisters store and I got some cool candles and got sucked in the ambiance of that place, it's just soooo cool. Then, I took abbey to get a haircut and got her a balloon and came home right before it rained, yet again. Mr. Ray came over and we ate and played and blah blah blah, oh btw, I'm not eating fish ever again, I got a huge stomachache saturday afternoon and it didn't stopped until I puked my brains out. BLAHHHHHH. Over all, the weekend was cool. A friend of mine offered to read and proof read my book which is great, she doesn't know any of the people in it so, it'll be like a regular reader reading it. After she's done, I'm gonna copy right it and then go from there. Ryan and I have our two year anniversary coming up next month and we are thinking of going up to Stuart and staying over there with the jew for a day or so, it'll be my first time without abbey for that amount of time, I still have to ask peanuts but it'll be something nice to do together although I'm kinda weary about it, I will miss that little face so much, but it's good for her, it's good to miss mommy and daddy and it's good for her to start being more independant, it's never too early to start teaching her and myself that letting go sometimes it's needed.
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| I'm teaching Abbey to acknowledge, love and respect trees... |
[24 Jul 2009|11:59am] |
can you imagine how extremely screwed we will be if trees dissapeared? Do you ever think about what they actually do? Often my dear friends get ignored, they are stationary and always there but there's so much more than that, they are ALIVE. Have you ever hugged a tree and felt it hug you back? Well, try it because they do hug you back, you just have to open your damn mind and take the time to give a shit. Anyway, there's this massive tree we drive by every day, I named him Broco because he reminds me of a big piece of brocoli; and i waive at him every day when i pass him by, well abbey eventually caught on and now she waives too and she actually knows when he's coming up and starts calling him "broco broco" it's the sweetest thing; I'm sure he feels good about it too, a million people must pass by there but no one says anything because they assume he can't hear, please. I drive around and I look up, down, around the trees, I look at the sky and usually see squirrels and other living things around me, I wonder if other people do this too? Everytime I look at them they're on the phone, smoking a cigarette, yelling or falling asleep, it's like a million half alive people driving to and from work, there's so much to see besides the damn green light you are waiting for, dammit.
I'm fascinated by this dude in flickr. Never met him and probably never will; he's educated but street, he's a total bad ass and curses like a sailor, he reminds me of a young version of Charles Bukowski, he loves his daughters and is a middle class prick like the rest of us but he LOVES life. He's doing a 365 days project; he takes a picture every day and then he sometimes blogs about it too and his ideas and mind are amazing, he's like a menthor to me, this week alone, i won an argument using some of the shit he said, anyway..i dont know him but he's awesome and i feel like if i could have an older brother or something like that, it'll be him oh, and his name is Ryan :) Here's one of his blogs, so you can get a taste:
Fuck labels.
I don’t care if your photo was explored, why do you feel the need to proclaim it to the world like it’s “so good”.
I don’t care if you’re the vice president of some badass corporation. You’re probably a douchbag on a mega power trip. Fuck you.
I don’t care if you are the husband of some killer bang ass-looking wife. Suck me off.
I don’t care how many “friends” you have or how many “best friends” you have either. They can suck it.
I’m a neighbor. I’m a friend. I’m a resources supervisor at my job. I’m a daddy. I’m a man. I’m a human. I’m a dude. I’m an asshole. I’m someone’s EX BOYFRIEND and I’m someone else’s current BEST FRIEND.
I’m your contact. Or wait – am I listed as “friend”. Wow – thanks.
And I worthy enough to be on your list?
Do you subscribe to my stupid shit?
IS ANYONE READING THIS?
I don’t sign my name with a signature. I don’t proclaim to be anything. I really don’t give 2 flying fuck shits if my photos get “explored”. And if they do – I don’t announce it to the world like I’m “that cool”.
I’m Ryan. That’s about it really. I’m someone’s son. I’m also a subscriber to something. I pay to be involved in something else. Maybe I’m a volunteer in a charity somewhere else.
Am I your fuck buddy? Or have we resorted to just being friends? Or enemies? Or maybe we don’t know each other anymore?
Why?
I don’t know. Because we don’t get along. With others I do just fine! Others … can fuck off.
What am I to you?
Whatever it is. I DON’T WANT TO KNOW! Keep it to yourself and just be you. If you CARE to get to know me, then do it. And if you're someone I equally want to get to know at whatever level we’re trying to achieve, then we’ll likely reach that point together.
Goodnight.
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| it's one of those days... |
[22 Jul 2009|01:03pm] |
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where you feel like a piece of shit no matter how blessed or how hard you are trying. Abbey's getting older and so are we; I feel like time is slipping by and although we are blessed considering how others have it, I still will like to be able to have more, not greedy more, just more stability. A more steady job or even do something that I would actually love like writing. My book is done; I just need to proof read it which I could only do so much, if I wanted to hire someone to do it for me it'll cost me around $200 which I don't have. There's also the copy righting I need to do plus all the introduction letters and queries I must write to try to get someone to say "hey let's give this girl a chance" although she holds so experience of education in the matter. It totally blows; and I'm not even gonna fool myself about school and trying to pretend I'm gonna go back because I know that school wasn't meant for me. I wonder if what you see in movies, like the pursuit of happiness is actually achievable. I know it's a true story but still that's kinda winning the lottery in a way. The rest of us just get to work in a million unsteady jobs trying to make ends meet and trying their hardest not to go insane while adding the bills and whatnot. The only thing that I see in my mind is Abbey's face; smiling up at me...somehow trusting that she'll always have what she needs because mommy will make that happen, it brings tears to my eyes to be here right now and only PRAY that actually happens. I know that it'll be okay, I know that she will have a great life and that she already has so many things I never had when I was her age or EVER and I know that it'll be okay. I just can't help but to feel annoyed at times with how things are. I still see a bright future though, somehow I see it. I guess I just have to take it one step at a time; continue to work here, start proof reading my own book with Ry's help and write the letters I need to write and just go fishing, see who bites my book and gives me that illusive break.
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| my text to a depressed friend this morning: |
[08 Jul 2009|09:57am] |
"When I think of the future I see sunlight and sweet songs, a vegetable garden and celebrations. I see fun summer nights...I see us rising above the bad...hope you see it too"
P.S I messed around with my camera and had fun in my bathtub:
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| this too shall pass? |
[01 Jul 2009|12:49pm] |
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What a week AND is only wednesday! I had a good relaxing weekend until I was brushing Abbey's teeth and as she cried horribly discovered she had sores in her tongue and mouth. I felt horrible, then I went online and read and it was something called "hand, feet and mouth" disease, the doctor confirmed this the next day. It's a yucky little sickness, thankfully she didn't get it that bad but she still has to be out of daycare ALL week. I spent monday and tuesday with her, doing the whole stay at home mom thing which I am NOT good at and watching her be miserable as she could barely eat, it broke my heart. I am glad I got to spend a little more time with her but seeing her sick makes me want to CRY. She's much better today, Ry is taking care of her and hopefully her sores will dissapear soon. Still, tomorrow I am bringing her here with me and I'm kinda worried, a semi sick toddler in an office for 8 hours??? I think I might lose my mind, but I'm preparing a series of games plus new toys plus watching Elmo online which I'm hoping will keep her enternaint. We'll see...it'll be a challenge but whatever. I am $1.22 over drawn in my account, which sucks because they'll still charge me $35 overdraft fee even if it's for that ridiculous amount. So, since i'm stuck at work miles from my stupid bank, i asked peanuts to please go and deposit some money and she's gonna try if not then i have to go after work and hopefully make it before 6. Ugh, when did life get so fucking hard??? I can't stand this, I looked around as I waited for my Wendy's meal today and I prayed so hard for a better life, not that my life is not good. I love it, but I hate being so financially unstable, it HAS to get better soon, or someday. Which brings me to the cliche, "this too shall pass", something I've been hearing a lot lately, and I am biting my tongue to avoid to ask "WHEN???", but asking is not gonna make things better, only time will.
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| what's my age again? |
[23 Jun 2009|01:59pm] |
Yesterday I had a brain fart and...forgot my age. I remember the times I'd ask my dad how old is he because I was filling out an application for him or something and he didn't remember, it'll take him a couple of seconds to tell me. I thought it was so odd that he didn't remember but now, I totally get it. After a while, after so many birthdays, your mind just slips. It's a sign that I'm getting old, I guess...crap, and I'm only 26. Can't imagine when I'm 50, I'm gonna be a total old wacko.
Another sign of aging is that while everyone seems to be trying to book their weekends a week in advance and doing things all day none stop, I just want to relax. I like going out but I find myself so content with staying home and having a night in with Ry than to actually go out. Every once in a while, it's a nice treat but every damn night? I remember when that was all I did, go out. Never home, always on the go. I guess, it's good for everyone to experience it, to go thru it because it does teach you a lot, it teaches you appreaciate the quiet times, it teaches you who your friends actually are and how strong you are. It's great to go thru it but some people stay there forever, which totally makes me wonder.
Abbey is the other reason why I seem to find contentment in the little things; like this weekend. Our little Summer Solstice celebration was short but sweet, the lemonode was good and I made a fruit salad with cool whip that was awesome. We painted the balcony and even put milk and honey for the fairies. I hung a butterfly wind decoration on my balcony to welcome summer and it turned out to be really fun. See, shit like that excites me...things like celebrating life with my family and succeding in making the best home made home fries, haha...god, listen to me. I'm an old fart and I like it :)
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| took my frustruations out on a frosty from wendys |
[18 Jun 2009|02:37pm] |
Is not wanting the key to receiving?
Is just letting life provide to you without worrying, without desiring the way of obtaining what you want?
i'm not saying sit on your ass and do nothing, you gotta work for it. Make it happen but I think that as far as wanting goes, you just have to let it go....put it out there and it'll come if it's meant to be. I'm having a huge problem with this, I find myself wanting so much lately, which is funny because it's pointless, the things I want will probably happen but in time and sitting here on my desk wanting them badly doesn't do anything but to frustruate me.
Maybe if i should keep trying but let it go, those things will happen and god will open the doors to them without all the worries, yea...let's try a different approach to it.
for now, i'll work on those things, leave them to god and just keep an eye open for the opportunities ahead, but enough with the wantingwantingwanting.
i need to read something, i haven't picked up a book in FOREVER...i miss having a relationship with the written word. To be able to fall back and get lost in the pages whenever I want. I'm really intrigued about the new Sarah Dessen book, I guess I'm going thru a easy reading phase right now, so it should be coming out soon and I read she's coming to Miami so maybe I could get a signed copy of it.
My day has been pretty blah, ry acted like a total asshole and there's nothing that turns me off the most that inconsideration...it makes me not want to try so hard but then again I do, not for him...but for Abbey. Still, it sucks to feel like you're the only one giving a shit. I know he does, but I guess you're never too old to have poor judgement. Whatever, I'm making him clean the house to make it up to me between that and the frosty I shoved in my mouth earlier, I think I'll get over it.
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| blahhhhhhhhhhhhh. |
[16 Jun 2009|04:24pm] |
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I love how when you are sick the world seems to be more and more fucking annoying. Ry totally sold me out this weekend coming up, he invited his dad when we had already said we were gonna go together to see Up. Now, his dad wants to go and blah blah blah so, since it is father's day I'm giving it to them to do whatever the hell they want, but if it was any other day he would've gotten hell from me for selling me out like this. So, I'm sick and can't talk without feeling like my throat is ripping in pieces. I'm hoping that by tomorrow I'll feel better, we'll see. The weekend was fun; Ry and I went out on friday and had dinner and talked. In the middle of dinner I talked to my dad and I got a very weird/bad feeling about him being over there in Atlanta, I don't know how to explain it but it really bothered me. Saturday we went to the beach, it was fun and saturday night we had our little get together for Eri and that was a lot of fun. My fricking nose ring came off; which sucked but the little bump is a lot better so, i'll wait till it's healed and try it again manually, if it doesn't go in easy then it wasn't meant to be. Sunday I basically cleaned and chilled out. I felt like shit on monday so, I stayed home with Abbey and we played and I rested. So, the bathtub wasn't draining and I had to make the plummer a check so, there's go my extra money for this week...between that and daycare I'm broke. I hate it, I need to make more money!!! Dammit. I'm moody and I just want to go the hell home, and now I have to wait til my boss gets here to give them coffee which is total crap because well, just is 4:30 and it's way to late for me to be giving them coffee. BLAHHH!!!
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| got soy sauce up my nose and my skirt stuck on my chair's wheel...can I go home now? |
[12 Jun 2009|02:39pm] |
Like always I've been freaking out over things, writing about bullshit and forgot to talk about my first night photography experience. Friday night I armed myself with my tripod, a beer and a theme and at the end I ended up with a semi good picture and a bunch of mosquito bites. It was harder than I thought, first of all I realized that I'm gonna have to crawl before I walk. It's almost impossible to use manual focus while not in the picture, like I could do it on a flower or pbject but to set it up in a timer and then run to the spot and take the picture, it messes with the focus and the photograph doesn't come out sharp. Solution: a damn remote. Problem: my camera doesn't have one and I don't think they make remotes for it. BLAH.
I guess for now I'll do what I can with what I have and maybe in the future I'll be able to do those shots.
So, my nose piercing created a keloid, a small and stupid scar tissue in a form of a pimple right next to my nose ring, it's extremely annoying. I was wiping my eyes and accidently scratched the keloid and it bled. Now, it looks horrible.
I've been reading online and I have two possible ways to get rid of it, I'm gonna try it but if in a week it doesn't look at least 50% better then I'm gonna have to take it out and probably lose the piercing. DAMMIT!!
I guess I'm not a piercing person, remind me to stick to tattoos next time.
ta daaa!!!!
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[04 Jun 2009|12:59pm] |
god, does everyone have a career? did everyone graduated college and get themselves a damn job?? seriously, sometimes it feels like I'm the only one who fucked up in high school, who didn't qualify for financial aid, who didn't have enough money to get a career and what not. "I suppose I could collect my books and go back to school" haha, Rod Steward just talked to me thru the radio waves...*sighs* whatever, it's a bad time to have a degree anyway, the economy can't afford college graduates with zero experience so, I guess the grass seems greener on the other side which is why I stopped looking in that direction.
It's thursday and I feel calm, although i don't have any money to eat lunch today so, I think i'll live on special k bars and water for the time being. it's okay, i have tea also. so, i was totally retarted yesterday about the whore at kareoke and ry, after self talking myself i realize how useless it is to worry over it. so, that's that...no therapist necessary, i'm my own therapist well me and the useless meaninful things i do to keep me sane like writing, like getting lost in pictures and ideas, like playing with abbey. she's so amazing, so damn challenging...i keep trying to keep up and i pray every night for wisdom and patience because it's not easy but it's fun at the same time.
this weekend should be pretty low key, nothing mayor. thank god...sometimes is good to not do much on the weekend and just chilllll out.
i am planning on taking some photographs tomorrow night, maybe on my stairs...with funny glasses and a couple of books...book worm pictures. we'll see how those turn out...my camera is like abbey, challenging but fun..
time will help me figure both out...little by little.
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| love thy neighbor...my ass. |
[03 Jun 2009|11:43am] |
So, it keeps raining and although I love the rain...I think the trees have had enough of it now...and so have I.
My new favorite thing to do at work is go thru flickr and look at people's photographs. I get so inspired that I want to get my camera and start shooting pictures of everything and anything. I can't wait to do that this weekend; couldn't do it last week because our tripod was broken. I, was of course, blamed for it immediately but whatever. I went and bought a new one and shut Ry off, it was money I didn't have to spend but whatever. So, I have two spots near my house and I can't wait to see what I can do with it; I even opened a flickr account. I feel like I'm way over my head with this because those people take increible pictures and I'm just learning to work my camera properly but hey, you gotta start somewhere so, whatever.
So, turns out a dear friend of mine is bisexual; it was a total shock because according to him he has been screwing a guy on his "dry season" with girls. I told him that men don't screw other men because of lack of sex so, he needs to come to terms with his bisexually even if he's just doing it with one dude. I don't really care, I've had bi, gay, transexual friends before but the fact that this has been going on for a while and I just found out about it creeps me out a little bit. Either way, it doesn't change how I feel about him and I guess he told me only because he knows I won't judge him for it.
People like my neighbor really make it impossible to follow God's advice on loving them; I had to park on the drive way near my apartment yesterday instead of my regular spot because I had groceries and it was raining plus I had abbey; so someone left a really rude note on my apartment door this morning which pissed me the fuck off. I didn't block anyone and it was a fucked up note regarless. I know who did it too, and it amazes me that someone could be so miserable to spend that amount of energy and time on something so stupid...so in reality, I actually feel sorry for her, but she's a bitch anyway.
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| I want to get lost on purpose and photograph everything around me. |
[27 May 2009|11:15am] |
The livingroom looks so much better with the chest; abbey gets to play but she's not tripping over her whole mess of toys and it looks nicer. We brought the computer desk out and now ryan has his little "studio" area where he can make his beats and music. He's happy :)
So, friday was such a shit storm but at the end, it worked out. I got paid and was able to put the money in the bank and everything went back to normal. I even got to open an account at my boss's bank so I could just cash my check and take the cash to my account so avoid another shitstorm until the business gets back to normal again. It's a mission since I have to go there fridays after work but whatever, it's better than having my account out of whack again.
I got to work yesterday and my little sunflowers at work were dead. I felt so bad, I watered them and they seem to be coming back to life now, I hope. I'm gonna put them in a bigger pot. So, now the bedroom looks kinda of empty without the desk so, I want to find a cozy chair to be next to the crib.
We're half way thru the week and I'm so happy; tonight's kareoke and I get to relax and this weekend is looking pretty rad, yai. I live for the weekends, spending time with Abbey and my love ones is refreshing. I've been thinking of maybe once a week, during the weekend while abbey naps to go out and take some pictures, I really want to learn my camera and I know that I need to practice a lot so, maybe I'll go and "get lost" on purpose for an hour or so and take pictures of life around me, it'll be my new little hobbie.
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| celebrating summer time... |
[12 May 2009|04:40pm] |
What is it about summer time that makes us do crazy things? It's as if the world released hallucinogen energy into our nose that we don't see but feel. It's easier to smile and to fall in love; it's easier to not give a damn. It's easier to say "screw it" and hit the road. It's easier to live...The adventures have been many, plenty of road trips and random people coming and going, taking photographs with strangers who take those memories back to their home town somewhere, the streets are packed with colors and light and then someone comes up with something new to wear or NOT to wear and you see it everywhere.
What is it about summer time that makes the music more enjoyable? It frees the spirit. Is it the sun? The vitamin D our cold bodies lacked during winter and fall? I've never loved this time so much as I do right now; it's a new found love and respect. I am celebrating it, I am living it and enjoying it.
Sweet summer time, it bounces off the walls and into the hot streets where people even seem nicer, or maybe it's just me.
Any excuse to go out, to refresh your bodies in the beach and dig your feet in the warm sand, forget the 9-5. Forget the dishes, just breath. Breathe in as new flowers are born and the mango trees get full of ripe delicious treats ready to pick or steal.
Summer time…it’s that sweet song melting in our ears, a symphony of randomness and friends, of new adventures and full moons, dancing under the stars, new piercings and what not.
Alive in summer time, enjoying the simple pleasures of a simple and fulfilled life sitting by the water and sipping on cheap beer, a sweetest moment I cannot think of, as summer time has bathe me with its warmth and undeniable hope.
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[05 May 2009|02:18pm] |
Why do I want to become a witch?
Well, I think I am a witch already, I've always been connected to the universe in a very special way. I respect mother nature, I acknowledge destiny and fate. I have an open mind to the positive and negative influences by the universe and people around me. I feel like I need to dig deeper into my intuition and dedicate myself better to the knowledge of other spiritual guidance. I feel that although I have a special bond with witches and their work I also need to perfect it and perfect myself. I need to find out more information about it and learn to find myself in this circle in order to find out for sure if this is my calling or not. I believe in magic, in mythological creatures, I believe in the power of the moon and the stones. I believe that I could be a great witch.
This is a new and an old desire that I find within my heart for the past couple of days, it came out of nowhere and I feel like it is my duty to seek for more information and embarge in this new adventure, this new self discovery. I am doing my own investigation about this but I do plan on letting Peanuts know about it. I've noticed that her coven is suffering from some sort of negative vibes due to confusion on why are people there...and i feel like I should say something to her. I know a celebration is coming up in June and I'd love to be a part of it. I've been around Wicca and white magic for a couple of years now but I haven't yet "dipped my feet" in it how I want to. It's been a mixture of "fear and doubts" due to my old ideas of what spirituality is and should be and it also had to do with the fact that Abbey takes most of my time but now that she's a little older it's easier for me to start this up.
This is a self discovery, I'm an opening my mind and my heart to this calling and I am carefully and respecfully asking the universe to guide me. I'll know soon enough if this is for me or not.
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